April Danann

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Self Blame

 

'Don't sweat the small things' is a quote that was going through my mind recently when I encountered an issue with a project that I was working on (something that had taken me a very long time). However, the problem did not originate with me, but on another level, yet my reaction was very interesting because I blamed myself and internalized the negativity.

A huge pattern had surfaced.

When something goes wrong we are usually the first ones to get the blame, even when this is not a reasonable assumption to make. I realized recently (yet again) how when even one small thing goes wrong or not in the direction that I had expected it to go, I revert to a mindset of 'there must be something wrong with me' or "I must not be good enough" or even as far as "why am I doing this, if I can't do it right?"

april danann Roses in the garden.jpg

When this self-blame thing happened the other day it was in response to something having been stolen from me, and my immediate reaction was to blame myself. Perhaps I put myself out there too easily, or I am just not that protected after all, then what follows is a myriad of many other thoughts equally negative.

Even as I was thinking this way, I had the presence of mind to stop (love my new mind here by the way!) and start over my thought process on a different footing. The first words to intuitively flash into my head were - education is power.

So, I did some research on this exact type of theft and found it was an all too common online problem that everyone was subject to, however, little could be done about it. Once I had some basic knowledge under my belt I felt better on one level and stopped blaming myself. But on another level I realized that I was feeling empowered enough to do something constructive about it.

Now as I continue to process through this entire scenario in my mind I also can connect it to having been bullied as a child (and adult I should add) as well as a direct product of taking on the inadequacies of others. In other words, when something went wrong for certain other people (or did not turn out exactly as they planned) someone needed to 'take the blame'. Sound familiar to anyone out there?

There is always one person in every family who shoulders the responsibilities that do not belong to them, who takes on the negative energy of the group and who suffers for the rest. Stepping out of that role is a blessed relief, however it takes time to shake off all of the strings that still have the power to pull me back.

How easy it is to blame ourselves for everything that could possibly go wrong in our lives - and perhaps things that are wrong everywhere else. However, this is not constructive at all when we simply push it down and let these feelings fester.

I am still learning how to work through this type of energetic pattern. The reality is that you can only be responsible for what is yours, you can only heal, fix and change yourself. So, taking on anything from others is futile and will cause a considerable loss of power.

And then one day, you wake up to the reality that nothing is wrong in your life, there is no blame to be placed - these are lessons and each decision you make is the right one as long as you follow your heart.

Have a lovely day,

April